Wisdom for 10 October 2022

Dearest ladies in the Warrior Womens Wisdom ⭕️We’ve had many empowering activities. Each topic by itself has been inspirational; but the synchronicity of them all combined has been transformational & in perfect timing. We’ve learned:

  • many breathing techniques,
  • embraced the Divine Mother,
  • dwelled in our heart caves,
  • meditations & metas,
  • explored our creativity / self-love / emotions / the dark night…
  • how to go with the “flow”,
  • the power of mindfulness – balance- dancing – dreaming & drumming,
  • played with the constructs of perseverance, joy, surrender, generosity, gratitude , death and rebirth.

The list is endless as you know!

Now we aspire to practice more diligently, living in the Presence. I want to urge you to choose an area of your life to explore more in depth, that would benefit from Divine intervention. Go deep inside & allow the inspiration to surface easily. Just one! And then make a solemn commitment to spend time daily to that area. For a few minutes every morning, or evening, or longer, specifically devoted to this project🙏🏻

Do you have a long-standing behavior you want to change?

Perhaps you desire to develop an unused or underused talent?

Maybe you’ve struggled with some form of addiction that interferes with your peace & growth?

It could even be a subtle voice that is urging you to try something new!

Actually there are unlimited possibilities, just pick one! One that you believe, in your heart, will strengthen your resolve to BE that loving reflection of Light you know to be the truth of who you are. 

Allow this commitment to benefit you; and in so doing, bring blessings to all others in your life. It’s time to rise and shine. Exercise your muscles to become a servant to humanity and support the evolution of this planet in your own purposeful, unique way❣️🙏🏻❣️

I’ve been existing. I tried to put all those feelings away, so that I could get on with life. Now I think that the role of victim needs to turn into that of survivor. The before was awful, then the deaths. Then the grief, then the wanting to be done grieving. Then what? I wanted to get on with things. I didn’t want to feel anymore. I felt tired of the grieving, and I wrote this down somewhere. Enough!

Then, starting in Jan ’21, after the surgery, the feelings were crashing down. I felt like everything was ending. We had just moved to my parent’s house at the end of Oct ’20, and with the whirlwind of the holidays, it was just so wonderful to be in their space. The boys said that when they thought of Christmas, they thought of Grammy & Papa’s house. Once the holidays were over, and I had the hernia surgery, I was at a very low point. I cried all the time when I was home alone. My mom had died. My sister had died. I was getting old and pretty soon all the kids would be gone. All the feelings came – but they were all the sad feelings. It wasn’t that I couldn’t be happy, I was. But those mornings after the kids left for school and before I left for work were brutal.

I think the painkillers had a lot to do with it, as well as perimenopause. I didn’t really feel like myself. This was the first time that I contacted KH, the herbalist. The herbal medicine, the meditation, the writing prompts that she gave me helped.

However, here it is in the tail end of ’22. Something else has shifted in me again. When we started working with emotions, the word “guilt” kept coming up for me. I had not let go of the guilt I felt at not being able to help my sister, and the guilt that I haven’t been as good as a Mom to JR, C and J as I could have been through all of the last several years. Then, one of those “coincidences” (that I know aren’t really just a coincidence) started happening where the word “Forgiveness” would appear in the most random places – on the Internet, even driving down the road on a billboard! I knew I needed to forgive myself. I started working on that. Then I realized that I was telling myself stories all the time, in the back of my head.

These stories were echoes of the thoughts I was having the previous year; of loss, things spiraling down and out of control. I was having panic attacks. Back to the herbalist I went. Things started to get better; I wasn’t having the attacks. Other things started to become apparent to me that haven’t before; I had been existing. I had been frozen. I was not in control. I was a victim.

There it was. The shadow. What was me “trying to get through this” in a multitude of different ways became “I can’t do anything to get out of this”. 

Is existing an addiction? Is it simply a long-standing behaviour? What I do know, is that I want to stop simply existing, and start living again. To grab control. To stop muddling around in the muck of  poor me and making a life for myself again. 

So, so timely this work is. I really feel the synchronicity of all that we have been doing lately in our Circle. One piece of Wisdom Work to the next has led me here. I realize that I went on a downward spiral after J was injured in May ’22. He couldn’t do anything after the surgery, and he had some strange happenings (the foot swelling and all the worry about that [turned out they wrapped him too tight at the ankle and after we re-wrapped, the swelling started to go down. But then we saw the scabs! They are just now healed, these scabs lingering longer than the surgery scars!]) that made me feel like I had to drop everything. But I didn’t sit there 24/7 and take care of him. I kept letting the control drain out of me.

Maybe a lot of this is about the loss of control. I didn’t have control of my home life with a new addition to the family – one that still had outside influences. I didn’t have control of the deaths. I didn’t have control of a job. I didn’t have control of my downtown house with the remodel. I didn’t have control of my new business. 

I didn’t take control. I let it go. By letting things go, for a while, it was good. I didn’t have to worry about them. If I didn’t have control over anything, could these things really touch me? Again, I was existing. I was existing above these things like they couldn’t touch me. The panic attacks – were they because I knew that my self-imposed lack of control was wrong? 

A lot has finally come crashing down to the surface; or rather, I should say, I came up to the level of the surface. I can see over some of the stories I’ve been telling myself. I can see that I have been relinquishing control purposely, acting as victim, and that I have been battling myself over this. I have been drowning in a sea of my own inaction and stagnation. Floating along the ocean of existence, barely existing.

An area of my life that needs Divine Intervention:
Stop Existing and Take Control